So, I have been thinking a lot about muscle memory. In attempting to learn anything using hand/eye coordination, we have to persist until that moment, or series of moments when the hands take over from the too vigilant brain. That happened with learning to knit, it happened with learning to spin, and happened with learning to weave. This just reinforces for me what wisdom we carry in our bodies that my overactive chattering mind can miss. I can concentrate so hard on achieving the task that I forget to just give it time, and let the hands and body do their thing.
I found myself a bit “off” yesterday, a bit thin-skinned and glad to be home in my little so-called studio. Of course the rain and winds starting up contributed too. However, it was just such a comfort to stay home, let the fireplace stay on and spin, that activity that “self soothes”, that nourishes.
It finally occurred to me what was up. Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my last radiation treatment. That day when I was hugged by the treatment team and “graduated” into the land of routine check ups and a return to (eventual) normal life. (Whatever that means!) I don’t talk directly about the events of last year on this blog, but I must be feeling stronger now, as writing about it doesn’t make me feel so vulnerable. This isn’t a health blog, or a cancer blog – if anyone wonders, I am one of the very lucky people who is expected to be cured. The success rate for treatment for my kind of cancer is very high. I do get the privilege of being watched closely for a while, just in case, but so far, all is well.
My body remembered before my brain clued in. How about that?
The practice of gratitude is a large part of what we do in our particular tradition of Buddhism. (It’s fundamental to every religion, gratitude is one of the biggies.) Gratitude manifests in so many ways, both externally and internally. We give thanks verbally, we offer our hearts, and at times we offer our bodies, including our hands to others. Motivations for doing things can get muddy if we aren’t careful, but if what we do is in the spirit of gratitude we have less chance of adding all sorts of self to the mix. In a goofy way, one of the reasons I knit hats and send them along to Grant to drop them off at a charity downtown is because of my gratitude that I can.
The daffodil is the symbol of the Canadian Cancer Society. Interesting, in the month when the society does its fundraising, I see lots and lots of people wearing it. All of us are in the same boat really.
I am half way through a bunch of stuff – half a knitted stole of my own design, half a bump of fibre spun, and half a length of woven cloth. Hopefully some finished objects for next time.